How To Pass a Winter's Night

No.245: January 24, 2025

Welcome to The Square Inch, a Friday newsletter on Christianity, culture, and all of the many-varied “square inches” of God’s domain. This is a paid subscription feature with a preview before the paywall, so please consider subscribing to enjoy this weekly missive along with an occasional “Off The Shelf” feature about books, a frequent Pipe & Dram feature of little monologues/conversations in my study, and Wednesday’s “The Quarter Inch,” a quick(er) commentary on current events.

Dear Friends,

Winter has fully set in. After an unseasonably warm spell all the way through December (no White Christmas for us!), we’ve finally got our snow and our wind chills. It is far and away my least favorite time of year. It’s dark, we lack energy (Vitamin D deficiency, probably), and we just try not to leave the house. This year is a bit more cheery than usual, though, because I finally got our gas stove hooked up and running in the basement. That was a DIY project I’m not sure I’ve mentioned here before.

I’ve long wanted a Heat N Glow Tiara II, and years ago the fireplace store quoted me something like $4,500. Out of the question. Then one summer on a 105-degree day somebody put a Tiara II on the Facebook Marketplace (great day to sell a fireplace!) and I jumped right on it. $800. After paying a guy to cut through my concrete foundation and buying other odds and ends, along with the help of really handy friends who can handle gas lines, I’m into it for around $1,100.

That means a lot of winter evenings spent downstairs in the warm glow of the fire enjoying a number of entertainment delights, a couple of which I would like to share with you today.

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Can you think of an actor who so fully and completely dominates and embodies a role that you cannot possibly conceive of anyone else doing it? To the point that nobody will ever even try? That’s an exceedingly rare occurrence, but I have a nomination to make:

Andy Serkis as Smeagol/Gollum in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings.

You may not know all the backstory, but I have watched all twelve or more hours of the “Appendices” or “extra features” of the Extended Editions of the Lord of the Rings so that you don’t have to (although you should—it is a monument to an astonishing work of art). Basically, Andy Serkis was hired to be voiceover actor. They were going to just digitally animate his character. However, while shooting scenes involving Frodo and Sam and Smeagol, Serkis was in the shots too so that the scenes would have a tactile, “physical” feel to them. His physical acting was so remarkably good they had a new idea: they rigged him up with a “motion capture” suit and did not animate “from scratch.” They animated over the actual Andy Serkis doing all of the physical movements—even facial expressions. And then, of course … that voice. Not much needs to be said. It truly is one of the most inspired performances in motion picture history, if you ask me.

Now, a few years ago during the COVID lockdowns Andy Serkis, for the sheer fun of it, did a livestream of him just reading The Hobbit, audiobook style. I tuned in for a while and didn’t like it. He was not a good reader. He mumbled, talked too fast, and his accents were kind of a mess. He was doing this on the fly so I don’t want to be too hard on him. The publisher, however, seemed to like it. They then hired Andy Serkis to do a new audiobook version of The Hobbit, the listening party of which my wife and youngest daughter invited me to join. I did not have high expectations.

I am blown away. It is one of the best audiobooks I’ve ever heard. All the pacing and accent and mumbling problems are gone. He is a complete pro. It is full of subtleties. For instance, Serkis gives the voice of Thorin Oakenshield the distinct ring of Richard Armitage’s performance in the (underrated, in my opinion) films of The Hobbit. But it isn’t cheap mimicry; he just has the knack of distilling core elements of how Armitage speaks and effortlessly gives the flavor. Same with Bilbo—he delivers the lines and you hear the echoes of Martin Freeman. His Smaug is so incredible it beggars belief. And then, of course, you get to hear the signature Gollum voice when Bilbo has his little contest of riddles in the dark.

On top of it all, I am reminded of just how wonderful a book is The Hobbit. I hadn’t read it since I was a grade schooler, and boy does it hold up. If you’re looking a worthwhile way to pass a dark, winter night as a family, you can’t do much better than listen to Andy Serkis read you Tolkien’s classic.

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I could have sworn I have written a newsletter about the late Herman Wouk, the celebrated novelist. But I’ve ransacked the archives and cannot seem to put my hands on it. Oh well, I will just have to do this from scratch.